


hold on for your life (it can't be time)

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: 17x14, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:33:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22621054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: Hands resting on the sides of the sink, she closed her eyes, ducked her head, and took a deep breath in through her nose.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 4
Kudos: 71





	hold on for your life (it can't be time)

Hands resting on the sides of the sink, she closed her eyes, ducked her head, and took a deep breath in through her nose. 

It did nothing to combat her nausea or the urge to cry building up inside. She could feel it creeping up but she couldn't, not now—not when she still needed to find who was responsible for Nick being in the hospital. Not when Gibbs and McGee would be there any moment and she'd need to tell them everything she knew.

Ellie stepped away from the sink and stumbled, hitting the wall next to her. She used it for leverage as she felt a sharp pain shoot up her leg that was a little messed up from the way she landed. Ellie turned to rest against the wall, eyes welling up with tears that had nothing to do with an injury.

No matter how hard she tried, she kept replaying the last few seconds before the car came around in her head. 

Nick running ahead looking back at her with a grin, her laughing for no reason other than the light happy feeling in her chest at that moment, Nick's answering laugh— _then the car._

Feeling Nick's hands on her as he shoved her out of the way, seeing his body going over the car, hear the sound of his body hitting it, being able to do nothing as he hit the ground with a loud _thump_ that would haunt her. Most of all her ears still rung with the panicked sound of her yelling his name as she ignored the pain shooting through her body while scrambling up off the ground. All that mattered was Nick. 

Ellie felt a tear escape that she quickly wiped away. She could cry after they caught who did this—but she had no control over it.

Not when the tears spilled over, not when her mind repeated the scene like a broken record and playing right behind it was the image of Qasim bleeding out and him lying in the hospital bed in his final moments, not when the sob she tried so hard to hold back broke free seeming to echo loudly in the empty bathroom, not when she could practically feel her whole heart ache with a familiar yet different pain—different because this _wasn't_ Jake or Qasim.

It was _Nick_ she was in danger of losing.

Nick who made her laugh, who accepted her even with all her quirks and nerdiness, made the anxiety in her chest ease with just his presence, made her smile even if just for a second on her darkest days. Nick seeped his way into her heart long before she even knew it, taking hold of it with no knowledge with a grip so tight she didn't think he'd ever let go—and Ellie although even in denial of her feelings knew she didn't want him to. 

Some days she would look at Nick and she could feel it, could almost hear her soul whispering _soulmate_. Ellie's heart had been his a long time ago, and he didn't even know it.

And now he may never know because she was too afraid. 

Ellie furious with herself rubbed at her eyes roughly but the tears didn't stop. If anything they only picked up as her body was wracked with her sobs. Her legs shook, and she sunk down onto the bathroom floor. 

Her chest tightened making her struggle to breathe.

She had been trying her hardest to fight the invisible grip on her throat since the accident. It became a struggle to take in enough air, almost as if Nick was her source of breath. 

Ellie knew if Nick didn't— _if he didn't make it_...she knew it would be her breaking point. 

He meant..more to her than even she realized until that moment. 

Nick was unknowingly holding her life in his hands as he fought for his own.

Later all the sadness would evaporate from her body being replaced with anger—a pure _violent_ anger.

An anger that coated her hands in blood, darkened her soul just enough to notice on some days, and satisfied that small part of her that was glad the one responsible for hitting the man she loves was dead. 

They say those who seek vengeance should dig two graves—one for their enemy and one for themselves.

But Ellie already had the shovel tossed aside and her grave ready, because at least she would have taken Xavier down with her. 


End file.
